On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
