You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
