I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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