I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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