I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
