I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
