I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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