All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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