So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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