smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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