i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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