Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
