he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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