saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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