He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
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Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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