white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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