Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
