You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
