I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
