He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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