Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
