Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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