I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Drake has all the answers
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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