just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
