Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
