sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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