I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
