If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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