just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
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The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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