gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize
