You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
