You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
