Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
