Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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