It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I could fuck to npr.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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