Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love you. Go after that dick
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
