She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
