saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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