Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
