if only i could text you this smell
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
