I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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