I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
