sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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