Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
