I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
