He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
