Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
