You're my little dorito
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize