i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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