If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
