So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
My vagina just recognized that song.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
