If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
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I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
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Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
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