My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
