so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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