need another drink. this is the easiest way
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
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