I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a search helicopter?!
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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