a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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