so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I love you. Go after that dick
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
