I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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