my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
