I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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