Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
