If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
