I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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