Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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