if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
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He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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