chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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