I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
