she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
