Christians are straight up FREAKS
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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