So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
