Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I am available for nakedness
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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