Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
