"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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