oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Four minutes until I can fart!
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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