I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
