i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
