I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
